Yea, that's what I try to achieve, Creosote.

As for TheDOSKid. No, we are not related at all, I have been sporting this nickname and avatar since 2003 – it was original back then. Now it isn't anymore - I don't blame TheDOSKid.

Heh, but be careful: breaking order can become an obsession, too! For example, if you find yourself looking for a different seat in the subway although you have spotted your "usual one" free, think again. You let your habits restrict you there, albeit in a negative way. Just take any seat, even the "usual one". Only not caring one way or the other is true freedom.

Good point. Weren't you TheDOSkid earlier?

The older we get, the more systems we get to know.

I have observed that people become more insane as they age, because they try to make sense of all the information that they have collected over the years. They attempt to make everything fit together - when it doesn't. They adhere to some rules that don't make sense anymore.

I also have noticed some OCD stuff in me. My favorite food - my favorite fork, dish - my favorite seat in the subway. It always has a negative effect on my mood when I don't get what I like - but it has very little positive effect when I do. So I see no use in it to maintain these behaviors and have declared war on them.

I have made it my mission to accept and embrace chaos. To be free. This goes as far as to abolish the concepts of good and evil, altruism and egoism, ying and yang etc. They restrict me, I have made it my mission to purge myself of as much alien thought as possible to become myself.

Most objects in my life don't feel truly mine until I have broken a part of them.

When I notice ticks, superstitions or repetitive behavior - I try to rid myself from them. I sometimes forcefully create scenarios that bother me, or break objects that are too perfect - to make them mine. It costs energy to maintain these things and I think it would be a waste.

I like breaking patterns. Only in chaos there is balance. Accept change. Accept that everything is temporary, try to create a state of mind that works in all scenarios imposed (of course that is impossible, but you can make some progress in this direction). Don't try to create a world that you can live in, try adapting and focus on moving where you want to be.

Athene's Theory of Everything

Just something to ponder on.

Oh that.. Sure, we all did, didn't we? But you got it right, that's basically the matter in question. As we get older those little obsessions simply become more refined and sophisticated while also bringing a number of hazards into the game. I've noticed that it depends heavily on your lifestyle and resulting mentality (the former often shapes the latter, in my opinion). Ironically enough, people without supreme values and strong aspirations are probably the least disturbed by such things as they don't tend to see any particular value in that which yields no apparent results as to fulfill a purely mundane aspect of their life. Yet creative and highly imaginative people are liable to such ailments which sometimes hits a critical mark. It's not the hand which makes an artist, but his sensitive mind, which is all too often more of a burden than a blessing. So, in other words, such behavior is a sure sign of an idealist, and he who largely ignores small stuffs with no clearly assigned purpose is certainly a pragmatic. It's not to say the latter always shares a better existence as he all too often needs too much to receive gratification as typically established by the society, whereas his opposite may simply have a nice walk along the street while stepping on the bricks to form a specific pattern, which if successfully performed makes his life a little more worthwile...

After all, it's all about how we program and condition our brain to shoot dopamine, endorphines and other pleasant substances which is the only reason we do things we do, and it seems that it strongly depends on our belief system whether supported by facts or not as our brain doesn't seem to care what is real and what isn't. I can name a multitude of things which shouldn't make any sense, yet we all take pleasure in them. Perhaps one day we shall all be able to produce pleasure out of nothing at all by simply enjoying the sole fact of our existence...

As a kid, I had this (I guess) fairly common thing that when walking along a pavement, I would absolutely have to step on the bricks in a certain pattern. Even today, I sometimes catch myself avoiding the little gaps in between, trying to subconsciously take an even number of steps with left and right etc.

Hm... interesting That's why you probably get round numbers more often unlike me I've got my load of *9s today btw... and i'm very unhappy about it. This whole year is a failure! Hahaha



Oh, i can totally relate to that.. in fact, most people would I like proceeding consecutively in many situations, not only as regards music and such. Although, if i'm not expecting anything groundbreaking i may really just skip through till i stumble on something catchy. But if it's something a priori worthy of consumption so to speak, then i will most certainly deal with it following a strict order



That's it! I may also change my ways but only if i receive a proper license to do so. Meaning, there has to be a situation authorized by natural circumstances or even a group of individuals who develop a certain trend, which goes to show how dependent i am (and lots of other people) on external factors. Until then i can't change anything, it feels wrong! And even understanding it doesn't help much... unless of course i'm fed up with everything and those are typically episodes of total morbid indifference, apathy and even depression, albeit they are hardly enjoyable and don't last very long either, they save me the fidgeting a good deal. Hereby i can only conclude that there is a certain crisis within me, and i have no sense of firm authority to arrange things to my liking without conditioning and catering to some imaginary crowd of powerful and wise, whom i literally invented myself possibly using a sample from remote past. Let's call them "Watchers", since whatever we do on sole principle is always a spectacle, as it were, for things unseen who either approve of your show or deprecate it producing internal friction and further conflict. This very complex is repressed and rooted deep in our subconscious, while on the surface it typically represents one or another personal trait



Ahh, maaan.. i envy you so much! You don't live in the tidy-bookie prison!

Haha! To me that number thing is quite the opposite: I hate round numbers. I always set my alarm to times like 8:29 or 7:59. Plus I always sleep very badly if I do not fall asleep before it is more than 8 hours to the alarm.

Some other compulsions of mine: I have to listen to new records from beginning to ending, no matter how excited I am to finally reach that song, which made me buy it. Plus all my CDs and DVDs have to be right side up, no turning around. If there is some sharing, I have to make sure everyone gets something… even if they do not want to.

Buuut: I also love breaking habits or patterns. Give me a rule and I will try to find a way to circumvent it. Tell me not to step on the whites and I will step on them. And I got rid of that prime condition thingy for books: I write into them, bend them, break them, in short: I mark them as read and add some notes to remember my current read later on.

Ok guys, let's get a little psychoanalytic here

Do you often feel like going through something which serves no immediate purpose but is somehow greatly important to your inner scenario according to which you have spent great time living? In other words... what are your bad habits other than automatic (e. g. biting nails) that somehow contribute to self-fulfilling prophecy and are often based on subliminal and almost superstitious fear of imperfection? I think that's the common root of OCD, but most people have it balanced just enough not to go insane. So, to give you a better picture i will share mine with you. I have a slight fear of numbers. I don't like all the numbers that end on 9. Like 19, 29, 59 etc. They look incomplete and too.. edgy. When i get a folder on my PC that has a timestamp like 11:59 i feel like re-creating it. Of course, it depends on what kind of folder it is, if temporary then i won't care, but if one of the long-term system folders - it may disturb me somewhat, and if someone got 12:00 i may even envy that person Another example would be a scratch on a new item or accidental stain on a book's page, which somehow ruins the experience and may rouse you to buy a new book. Ok, your move