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The best porn games

Posted at 08:05 on January 15th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Wow! That's some awesome graphics I see there :D.

Anyway, this thread reminded me on an obscure Spectrum game, something like the Hangman. You still have to guess words, but instead of a hangman, you are a person who climbs a tree. For each letter, you get higher, and once you are on the top, you crossed over a branch to a woman's room and got an intercourse animation. If you guessed three wrong letters, the cops came and took you away.

I managed to crack the game and get all the words used (my l33t skills were limited to hitting "Break" just before the game fully loaded). After that, I finally won; unfortunatelly, with my mom watching...
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Posted at 08:13 on January 15th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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unfortunatelly, with my mom watching...
So that is why your parents threw you out? ;)
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 08:17 on January 15th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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No. That's when they erased the whole tape, with most of my Spectrum games :(.
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Posted at 08:24 on January 15th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Oh, damn! That's the disadvantage of games in those days being so small :(
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Posted at 15:59 on January 15th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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No. 5: Philly Flasher

Image

Arguably the same game as Eat 'em 'n' Beat 'em, only this time with the gender roles reversed. I just had to include both for one reason: they both have their own extremely high dose of weirdness! In the 'male version', it was the huge organ. In this game, we have a witch (with fitting hat, nose and some kind of broom) dropping something and two male prisoners who run around with constant erections swallowing.

Stimulation: low (high for really sick people)
Sickness: high (A witch? Prisoners?)
Realism: as low as it can get (or do you believe in witches?)

(game download provided as attachment)

Edited by Mr Creosote at 13:41 on January, 16th 2003
Attachment: *****
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 05:25 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Quote:
Posted by Mr Creosote at 23:59 on January, 15th 2003:


Arguably


Me-thinks that word needs removing!

Quote:
Posted by Mr Creosote at 23:59 on January, 15th 2003:

Eat 'em Up 'n' Beat 'em Up


are you sure that isnt Beat-'Em & Eat-'Em

Edited by fretz at 13:28 on January, 16th 2003
Posted at 05:43 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Posted by fretz at 13:25 on January, 16th 2003:
Quote:
Posted by Mr Creosote at 23:59 on January, 15th 2003:
Arguably

Me-thinks that word needs removing!
Play them, then you'll notice the difference ;)

Quote:
Posted by Mr Creosote at 23:59 on January, 15th 2003:
Eat 'em Up 'n' Beat 'em Up

are you sure that isnt Beat-'Em & Eat-'Em[/quote]True, fixed :)
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 05:57 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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No. 4: Gigolo

Image

A somewhat misleading title, since you're not a Gigolo in this game, but a (female) hooker who has to visit her customers at their homes. Unfortunately, police will try to arrest you all the time and then there's the mad prisoner who sometimes escapes and then tries to kill you...

Stimulation: low (too damn hard.... I mean the game of course ;))
Sickness: low
Realism: high

(game download provided as attachment)
Attachment: *****
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 06:30 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Silly mistake, really, confusing the ST with the other Atari machines. The only excuse I can give is that looking at all those pictures of naked women has clouded my judgement. ;)

Quote:
Posted at by Mr. Creosote at 15:56 on January 15th, 2003
referring to Pick-up

Realism: extremely high (that's how it works in real life....)


Except for the presents falling from the sky bit. That would make things a whole lot easier...
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Posted at 07:19 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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The only excuse I can give is that looking at all those pictures of naked women has clouded my judgement.
Absolutely understandable ;) Otherwise, you would have at least noticed I wouldn't attach whole ST games in the forum - way too big.
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Posted at 10:24 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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No. 3: Custer's Revenge

Image
Image

This game stirred quite a big controversy at its time, and rightfully so. Its theme is rape! You control some naked guy called "General Custer" (presumably one of the many 'heroic' butchers of native Americans - I can't be bothered to look him up somewhere) who approaches a naked Indian woman while avoiding arrows shot from the background (presumably to protect the woman). Then he rapes her.

Image

Stimulation: non-existent (due to next point; if you're into this kind of stuff, replace the rating by 'extremely high' )
Sickness: very high (one of the very few games in which you play a rapist!)
Realism: unbeatable high (raping civilians of the defeated side in a war is not unheard of...)

(game download provided as attachment)
Attachment: *****
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 10:42 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Quote:
presumably one of the many 'heroic' butchers of native Americans


Heroic indeed... He deserved to die.

Quote:
Stimulation: low (too damn hard.... I mean the game of course )


It is, I can never get back to the 'bank' after the first round, they always catch me. A little confusing here though, why do you get money at the beginning and give it to the people you visit? It doesn't make any sense at all...
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Posted at 10:49 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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A little confusing here though, why do you get money at the beginning and give it to the people you visit? It doesn't make any sense at all...
Absolutely! I thought for some time that maybe you're a female customer of these male gigolos (would go along nicely with the game's title), but then, why would the policemen chase you and not arrest the 'stationary' guys who do it for money? :confused:
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 11:15 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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General George Armstrong Custer was the general who led his troops into the Little Big Horn massacre. I visited that place last year, and found that this "massacre" involved only 300 or so soldiers; not exactly what you'd think. I assume that the game, Custer's Revenge, deals with Custer revenging himself (he also got killed there). There's a pretty good movie about it (based on a book by the same name) - Little Big Man, with Dustin Hoffman.

I'm surprised that this piece of trash didn't make it to No. 1, though...
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Posted at 11:39 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Mr Creosote:I thought for some time that maybe you're a female customer of these male gigolos (would go along nicely with the game's title), but then, why would the policemen chase you and not arrest the 'stationary' guys who do it for money? :confused:
Maybe it follows the same logic as software piracy laws: those using the service are just as guilty as those offering it... So in a state where prostitution is completely illegal, the customers should be punished too, no?
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Posted at 11:43 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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I'm surprised that this piece of trash didn't make it to No. 1, though...
Even more of a good reason to stay tuned for the upcoming places ;)

Quote:
Maybe it follows the same logic as software piracy laws: those using the service are just as guilty as those offering it... So in a state where prostitution is completely illegal, the customers should be punished too, no?
Of course the customers would commit a crime, too, the offense is less severe though - at least that would be the only logical conclusion. In the game, only you are arrested though and not the guys...
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Posted at 11:56 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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No.3b: "Barbarian 2 Porno (C64)

Image

Not tested yet, but looks promising. ;)

Edited by Tapuak at 19:58 on January, 16th 2003
Posted at 11:58 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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There seems to be a bug in the image handling there.... will look into it.

Edit: should be working now.


On the point: It doesn't fit the premise of listing Atari 2600 games, but it certainly looks bad ;)

Edited by Mr Creosote at 20:03 on January, 16th 2003
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 13:31 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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No. 2: X-Man

Image
Image

Not related to the comic character of the same name, this game lets you run through mazes in anticipation of what comes thereafter. The problem with these mazes is that there are tools like scissors hunting you - all of them very painful to certain regions of the body...

Image

If you manage to reach the 'inner sanctum' though, you get a very rewarding scene in which you again control the guy, but in a little different situation. The more points you've made before, you longer you last there...

Stimulation: very high (most realistic graphics ever!)
Sickness: medium (I got quite sick when the scissors got me...)
Realism: medium (the maze is a bit strange)

(game download provided as attachment)
Attachment: *****
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 15:40 on January 16th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Hmm... I've never seen that one. Looks like I've only got the Mystique one.

What the hell is the guy doing on the boxshot? If there is a woman right there, is what he is doing really neccesary? And the woman looks more interested in the camera than the man.

I'd have to say to lower the realism because it looks like the man rolled around in some sewage before he entered the maze. Good alternative to the minotaur, though.
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